I Hate American Idol

Judging by the ratings, I may be one of the few, but I hate American Idol. I don't mean hate like I don't like, I mean hate like if a genie gave me three wishes, I would have that genie kill Randy Jackson three times.

Look, I watched the first one. Sure, bad singers are kind of funny. Simon was relatively amusing and Randy Jackson was just some fat slug I had never heard of before. I found the irony that someone whose career was as washed up as Paula Abdul judging singers kind of sadly ironic. It was about the time that Randy managed to slosh out of his chair and become the avenger of all things good to Simon that it started. "It" is the shrinking feeling where I can feel my inner ear touch the top of my stomach.

I am now at the point where I don't find making fun or retarded people funny. The fact that Randy Jackson, who is the first person to ever stay fat after the weight loss surgery, thinks he is a celebrity pains me to no end. Every time I hear him say "dog", I want to complete that gun permit. Also, for anyone who doesn't think Paula Abdul is completely and 100% wasted, I need to borrow 100 bucks. She is a unique combination of stupid and wasted. If you gave Paula a penny for her thoughts, you'd have change coming.

What is most annoying is that I think the show found the one or two people who can sing who aren't already signed. Watching the people gain confidence and start to love themselves when they are average at best is troublesome to me. I actually start writing the article in my head about when they are either a) arrested for drug use, b) pose for Playboy or c) start working on their first album with some recording studio in their neighbor's basement. Quite honestly I have no interest in any of those three options. Well, maybe b, but that is another story.

So it starts. Three months of watching TV alone in the office on Tuesday and Wednesday while my wife watches this God forsaken program.

I hate American Idol.